12 May #34 – Let’s talk about divorce. A real conversation on how to talk to your children about your divorce.
Susan Chesnutt has a heartwarming conversation with Jackie Pilossoph on talking with your children about your divorce. What to say and who to say it to, will help guide you through the tough process. Jackie is an author, former journalist and the creator of Divorce Girls Smiling, a resource for men and women going through the divorce process.
[02:49] Susan and Jackie dive into what kids are really afraid of when their parents are getting divorced. They talk about the importance of keeping the divorce attorney from becoming the therapist.
[05:06] Change. Children and adults have a hard time with change. For example, if the former spouse gets a girlfriend, things can get dicey. Kids like structure.
[07:00] How do you shield your kids from all of the hard stuff. Tune in for great tips on those situations.
[10:56] What are the kids scared about? What stresses them out going back and forth? Jackie will dive into everyday situations that parents and their children will experience.
[13:13] I want to listen to you for as long as you need. Jackie talks about the importance of therapy for your children while going through divorce.
[16:13] Susan and Jackie discuss how praying and having faith can help your kids and yourself through this difficult time. Jackie touches on her spiritual faith, not religion to guide one along.
[18:20] Self esteem and the importance of “pumping up” your kids while going through the divorce process.
[19:30] Getting angry? Whoa, yes. Parent’s and their children will get angry before, during and after the divorce. Jackie talks about some useful tools and the importance of expressing their anger.
[22:00] Listen in on how to manage receiving legal advice in real time while your sweet kids are within ear shot. Envision being on the phone and receiving disturbing information about sole custody.
[25:29] Susan and Jackie talk about the importance of always putting your kids first, especially when dating. Listen to her reaction after reading an article from a guy dating divorced women with children.
[28:40] Reassuring your children they were the best decision you ever made is very important. Jackie and Susan talk about how speaking negatively about the other parent affects your children.
31:30] Susan asks Jackie about how her website Divorced Woman Smiling came about and how isolating divorce was for her. This was before social media and texting were a big way of communication. This site is for men too! The session wraps up discussing the many resources Jackie has now, at your fingertips!
Jackie Pilossoph: “Number one was there’s going to be lots of changes, but here is what is, isn’t going to change my love for you. Dad’s love for you. Both of those things are constant and are everlasting.”
Jackie Pilossoph: “ I want to listen to you for as long as you need. That’s another thing you can say to your child.”
Susan Chesnutt: “and faith leads to help, right?
And you can always put things into your faith and then hope for better. And I think that’s a good thing to teach your children.”
Susan Chesnutt: “And I don’t know when we started asking our kids for permission on our adult decisions, that’s not what we’re supposed to do, where the adult.”
Jackie Pilossoph: “if two people don’t respect that the kids come first, then it’s never going to work.”
Susan Chesnutt: “when you say something negative about the other parent, you’re telling your child something negative about themselves because they are half of that person.”